Get yours

I'm not big on red nail polish or red... anything, really. But today I just couldn't help myself when I found the old skool red nailpolish at H&M. I got it and started painting up myself like a common jezebel. Anyhoo, I saw that they had a lipgloss to match called something? Rumba. But they were all out of that, to my great disappointment. I wanted to do an old skool black & gray make up with red lips and red nails. But oh well, none of that then :(
But since this isn't a fashion blog I'll give that subject a rest. But there is one thing that's been on my mind all day long. HE called me. After two whole weeks of silence. I thought for sure he was serious this time, I thought we were over for real. But I was wrong, yet again. This proves only one thing: I do NOT understand men... at all. My brother actually told me just a day before that HE would call me and I claimed he was so wrong. Turns out brother dearest knows men better than I. He also said that I don't know anyone, neither men OR women. Truth be told; I think the littlest bastard might be on to something. I don't know men, and I certainly don't know how women reason. Most days I just feel like an alien.
But I'm not going to get caught up in another relationship before I know what I want to get out of it. As it stands I know ALL TOO WELL what I don't want. Indeed. Now I'm going to head out on the balcony for a late night smoke and then head on in for some sleep.
God, I just found The Platters - Only You in my music collection. What an insainely great song. If you could marry music, this'd be an ex-husband turned lover. ;)

You're my dream come true, my one and only you...

Sometimes I wish I had stayed with Dennis, he was my one and only "you". But that's in the glorious past. All the music we'd listen to and discuss, making plans for the future. He'd be driving around all night... I'd just love the situation, I'd love him... He was perfect, in every sense of the word. He was perfect for me, but we managed to screw it up. But if he ever would give me the time of day, again. If he'd ever consider me again, I'd be wiling to give up all for him. All. But he was my all, for the longest time he was the only man... I figure he still is, in part. I'll never find a man for whom I'll fall that way... ever again. He was... is... perfect.
Dennis, if you're reading this... Jag tänker på dig. Alltid.
/Bell

I'm all cried out, with nothing to say

Sweden's facing a pre-winter period á la England. Crappy weather, rain and darkness. Not the sweet Autumnal rain... really heavy rain and the lovely, depressing Swedish winter darkness. I just might go to that tanning salon later, for the heck of it. But I have dishes to do and lunch to make. And to be honest I'm tired of both. I don't want to have to cook another meal, ever again. And I hate doing dishes. I hate not having a job, this stay-at-home- living sucks monkey. Tomorrow I'm planning an all day trip to Stockholm. Can't stand being confined within these four walls another minute. I'm driving myself insane. I'm not a stay-at-home type of person, I'm a work-until-very-late type of person. Then I complain not having any time over for fun stuff, but I don't do fun stuff. I don't really have any hobbies that require me to leave the house. So tomorrow I'll spend 700 crowns just to get into town, to avoid going nuts.
Now dishes, and emptying boxes. That's all overdue. Later, going to get coffee... I'm all out and that TOO is driving me bananas. As if I wasn't driven bananas far enough.

Oh well. Bad weather, all play and no work makes Belma a dull boy... Yes, boy. Enough with the 20 questions.

Last night I couldn't get an answer from you

God, I love Lil Kim. I'm a total sucker for her music. I've been dancing by the computer for a few hours now, sad really. Oh well, I do love the muzak. Also I noticed I had missed the new episode of Family Guy so I had to catch up on that, as well as the new Simpsons episode. Doing all this sitting by the puter is really bad for my already crappy back. I feel like a preggo, can't bend down to tie my shoes. And I have a vacuum that's the size of an iron so for some reason I figured I had to vacuum the whole house today... in order to finish off my back.
I should go to the doctor's office. My aunt flow hasn't payed me a visit since late June, but three pregnancy tests later I can assure you it's not that. However something's obviously wrong. Monkeyballz. Oskar's running around the apartment like there's no tomorrow and every time I try to pet him I get a shooting pain in my lower back. Only one way to solve this dilemma, I'll go to bed.
Job search day tomorrow in Casa de Belms. Wish me luck.

It's been a few days

So' it's been a few days now. I've been setteling in. Nesting, maybe. Making this apartment a home. My home.
I've had some time to think. Alot of time. And I've used up all my time for thinking. About life, the future... the past. My present. Everything that's been, in this past year. 2008 has been a chaotic year in many ways for me. Many losses, ranging from my fathers, grandfather, my child and later on even the boyfriend. So many jobs, so many friends. 2008 will forever be the year of ambivalence. I'm indeed very ambivalent when it comes to my feelings about this past year. I've gained many new experiences, but to what cost. I do feel like a better person, better for the experience. But no more. No less.
Oh my, enough with this... No more bu-hu. But I was saddened by all the happenings this past year. But we're getting there. New year's is right around the corner, and so are new experiences. Good stuff.
I've finally plugged my computer in, and I noticed that I have so many new movies to see. And also I need to finish unpacking everything. Now... to the Batmobile.
Crap entry, I know.

The road to hell?

I wonder if it's true what they say, that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Unfortunately for me, I don't believe in heaven or hell. It's seems just as probable we'll all end up together with Alice, in Wonderland. But let's for a second pretend that there is a factual hell, just for the sheer fun of it. And it is in fact paved with good intentions. Who will end up in this good-intentions-paved hell? The person who supplied the intentions or the ass that was either willing to participate in whatever ideas the other person had or was he an ass to refuse? And in the end, who will end up in this hell?
If for some reason there is a hell, we'll all go there. No chance for salvation. We're all doomed. From day one. Every parent of every child, every husband, wife, boyfriend and girlfriend. Every friend, every foe. Even the Pope himself will end up down there. We all have "good intentions". All the advice we give, every person we try to save is another ticket straight to hell.
So, in other words one has no need to worry which way one will go after the end. We'll all end up downstairs in a hot damned party. We'll have fun and toss back a few tequila shots with whomever sits next to us. Hell, it'll be swell.
Now, onto bigger things. I have some dishes to do. If hell ever was, dishes would be the worst chore ever.
/Bellz

Preach Judy!

Judy tells it how it is! Preach Judy, effin preach!

Another day, another dollar... wasted

God, there's always one bit missing. I can't seem to manage to uphold my perfect Sex and the City- life. Before it was the absolutly perfect apartment that was the issue at hand, now much like when I was studying it's the money. Not having a job sucks on so many levels I wouldn't know where to start.
No it doesn't free up a bunch of time to do fun things. You can't afford fun when unemployed. So you sit in your damn near perfect apartment stressing to find a job. Any job. ASAP, so that you can go back to that fantasyland or "lala land" if you will where life is good and you're not overworked or tired of life or any of that ordinary life crap.
Oh my yes...
These days I move from the couch to the bed once or twice a day, never seem to finish my CV and send out applications with my old CV. I feel totally lazy and stupid and I know it'll turn around and bite me in the ass any day now. But I keep trying, a little bit. I just need to get started. That's sort of the hardest part. That first step. The ones that follow or quite simple. But that first one sucks major cojones. Oh well, someone's got to get on with it... and I'm pretty sure that someone is yours truly.
/Bell

So here goes...

Welly well well, it's been a long time coming. I finally found a really great apartment, it's so cute and it has no less than TWO walk in closets. When I found this apartment I also had a job, but because of this financial crisis I was laid off. So without a job, and with a new apartment my journey begins.
I might as well introduce myself (where are my manners?), so you know who you're dealing with.
I'm a soon-to-be 23 year old chick, living in Sweden. Just south of the capital, Stockholm. In a new apartment with my cat, whom I don't really see eye to eye with. It's my fault, he's nice. I'm the ass in our twosome. I'm a finance assistant, currently a jobless one. I have what I call restless mind syndrome, meaning I like to do things all the time to prevent boredom. I try to keep myself as busy as possible, not always succeeding but always trying.
Now I've started a project of a lifetime; a makeover of my life. Just moved in to a new place, broke up with the guy who was holding me back and now I'm on the lookout for a job, a man and a better life.
Stay with me and we'll write a new chapter together as we go along.

/Bell