I anxiously await a change

So, spring has finally hit the streets of Sweden. I believe that the long winter of 2009/2010 has finally come to a halt. It's been a rough season for each and all alike. I have suffered at the hands of the new depression. Financially and emotionally, but I think this new season brings forth a new can-do- attitude. A long awaited sensation of satisfaction.

A change is going to come, mark my words.

I feel good. Safer than I have in years. I now have a few rough months ahead of me but I'll pull through and I'll be a better person at the end of it. The time has come to buckle down and work for a better future.

Here I go.

Texting 1...2...3

I'm a big ball of hurting. Couldn't sleep last night thanks to the cat and that damn movie "The Box" which scared me to tears. Yes people, I started crying. It freaked me out, but it mainly has to do with Marcus turning up the volume. Like he always does. I often wonder whether he has a condition of sort, or if he's just plain deaf. Whatever the case I started crying. Total panic. Can't deal with things just popping out, mid sentence.

So in this sleep deprived state I've been hurting all day. Boobs hurt, crap factory (aka stomach) hurts, head hurts. I am in the worst shape ever. If I didn't know better I'd think I was hung over. Oh and to top it all off I'm feeling sick as a monkey.

I need time off. That and a sugar daddy, or possibly a pimp. Idk what's going on with my life, all I know is that I feel miserable.

Time for another change? I believe it is.

But first I need to sleep, I look like I feel. And that's never a good sign.

So with a pounding headache I bid you good night!

/B

An ice cold IKEA-country

I'm back, baby. In full force. After a week of feeling down and out. On Sunday I began to toy with an idea of change and yesterday I put it in motion. Last night everything changed. Or maybe I changed all the while everything stayed just the same. Whatever the case may be, I have taken the first crucial steps toward the dream.
Last night I awoke from the self-induced coma I have been in for the past few years. I found the chase and just cut to it.

I'm back in motion. And couldn't be happier about it!

I can't share any details with you guys yet, but in three months time you'll all know where it is I'm heading next. I have a dream and a plan, now we just wait! But in the mean time I'll get on some major issues. I need to work on a few things in my personal life. Andrew, for what it's worth, you are saving my life. And for that I thank you, from the bottom of my once broken heart!

/Bell

Tick tock

I got the last punch last night. That knocked me out cold. So Magz took me on the longest walk, and while walking we talked everything over. Today a general feel of malaise is over me. But I'll bounce back. I always do. That beinh said I must say I was expecting this, but I still wasn't ready for a suckerpunch. I really got knocked out cold.

I spent the night on the living room floor. I was freezing so bad. I checked my phone every half hour. Don't know why. Guess love does that to you. To the best of us.
I thought I was better than that, turns out I was wrong.

But I've cried a river. I've cried several, in fact. Time to get on with building that bridge and getting over it. Time to move on. It is the spring time, and time for a new start.

So here goes...